I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
