..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize