i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
