Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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