Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
