also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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