cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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