When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
