GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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