You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
