why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
