There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You made out with two different species that night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
