You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
