First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
