i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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