thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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