i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize