I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize