I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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