the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
