Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
