glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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