ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
