Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
