Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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