I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have already put on my inside pants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
