my mouth tastes like poor choices
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
