this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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