even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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