I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
