I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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