this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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