shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
