I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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