Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
