Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
