you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
