you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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