you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
I guess when the asshole said โI really miss you and want to get back togetherโ he actually meant โIโm banging a Hooters girl behind your back.โ
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
