you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
