I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize