Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
