A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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