i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No more Irish car bombs ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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