Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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