Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
