don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
