Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
