She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
