Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
