you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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