sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
