last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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