Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
