I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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