I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
