i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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