so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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