Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
