I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
