I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
