My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Blood and glitter go together right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
