why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
