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I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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