My sheets look like a crime scene.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
