I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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