His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
