I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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