hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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