My friends, they love my intelligence
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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