just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
