she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
