I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
