Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
