Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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