Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
