I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
