Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize