my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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